Daniel's 2-Month Checkup

This morning we brought Daniel to the pediatrician's office for his 2-month checkup. We removed all his clothes save his diaper and weighed and measured him. 13 lbs 10 oz, 23 inches long, 38 1/2 cm head circumference. He's in the 50th percentile in height and around the 90th percentile in weight. Our little guy isn't quite so little anymore.

The pediatrician, Dr. Felch came and performed a brief physical examination. He mentioned that developmentally, Daniel was a champ. News like that sure fuels an already proud dad's ego. Dr. Felch also mentioned that Daniel's umbilical hernia should correct itself by his first year. That's a relief. I always feel bad/guilty about it. I know it doesn't hurt Daniel but I don't want him to grow up and feel self-conscious about it either.

After Dr. Felch was done, the nurse returned to give Daniel his vaccinations. His first dose was given by mouth and he didn't really seem to mind. He then received a shot deep in his left thigh. He didn't even flinch. The nurse warned that the next shot causes most babies to cry and unfortunately, Daniel was no exception. My heart wrenched watching him wail. The last shot was given in his right thigh.

The nurse gave us the go-ahead so I quickly stepped in and picked him up and held him close. A few short moments later, he settled down and stopped crying. Whew...crisis averted. I'm not sure who is affected more by the shots, Daniel or his parents. Even though it was really hard to watch Daniel get his shots, it felt good to know that he felt comforted in my arms. I hope he always feels that way.

The Next Face of Gerber?

I think we may have the cutest baby in the world. Okay, maybe I'm a little bit biased because I'm his father. But I can't help it that my ego gets a little boost when others tell us how cute our baby Daniel is.

One of our good friends sent us a link to a [baby] modeling company where you submit some photos and they'll get back to you if they select your baby for a photo shoot. Just for kicks, Tary sent in a pair of photos. To our surprise, late last week we received a call that they were interested in using Daniel for a bathtub shoot. They said they'd call back early this week if they wanted to proceed. Well, we got a confirmation this morning. Our little Danny is going to be a model!

This definitely will be a unique and interesting experience. The first thing that came to mind was I hope I didn't end up turning into one of those crazy pageant parents. I think I'm level-headed enough to avoid falling down that path. It'll be great to tell him about this when he gets older. Who knows, he may be the next face of Gerber. Okay, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Tary and I have been considering our options for Danny's education. It would be nice to provide him with the best education that we can afford. But schools like Phillips Academy don't come cheap. We'll get some compensation in return for some photos of Danny and some of our time but every little bit helps in the long run.

It's kind of fun to speculate what Danny will end up doing when he grows up. According to our parents, he's going to be the President of the United States of America one day. My friends like to tell us that he'll be a professional athlete in the NBA or the NFL. He might just end up being an engineer like his Daddy. Who knows, maybe he'll be a movie star. Whatever he ends up becoming, I'm always going to love him. But as his father, I'm just so proud that my little man already has such a good work ethic. :)

Determined

Our little Daniel is a little more than 4 weeks old now. Where has the time gone? It's amazing how much he's grown in this time. He started off at a delicate 6 lbs 10.5 oz. and now he's a thriving 9 lbs 8 oz. His jaundice is gone. There was a brief stint of newborn acne which also came and went. Now he's built up an adorable layer of baby fat on his little body.

We as his parents have gone through our own set of changes. We have enough bags to fly around the world...twice. I went from being petrified of handling babies to becoming a baby-holding pro. Free time that used to be spent shooting baddies online has been replaced with changing diapers. Tary has always been good with children but it's a joy seeing it in practice.

I know everyone always talks about how tiring the first few months are with a newborn but you definitely don't know the feeling until you're up at 12:30 AM, 2 AM, 4 AM, 6:30 AM and then try to go to work the next day. We're tired but we love every minute with Daniel...okay, maybe we can do without the 4 AM feedings. ;)

But despite all of the early morning feedings and diaper changes, the most exhausting thing that we've had to deal with so far has been our family. Don't get me wrong; we love our family. They mean well but sometimes the "old school" ways of parenting just don't work here in America.

During labor, we chose to only inform our parents when it started but did not provide any additional updates until right after Daniel was born. I gave specific instructions that no one was allowed in with us other than the birthing staff. Knowing how Asian parents are, they would have come straight into the room with no respect for privacy. As much as we would have loved to share this experience with them, the idea of having 4 extra support people in the room was just too overwhelming.

The whole "lack of privacy" issue came up again the next day when everyone came to visit. Daniel was being passed around by the adults and he started to whimper to let us know that he was getting hungry. I let the people in the room know that it was getting close to Daniel's feeding time. Some of the ladies commented on how cute he looked as he was searching for food. Again, I reminded our visitors that it was almost time to feed Daniel. More time passed and again, they didn't get the hint. I had to lay the "Daddy-hand" down and basically tell everyone they had to leave (or at least wait in the family room nearby). *Sigh* Asian adults just don't understand that breastfeeding is an intimate, personal, and private thing and that they don't need to be there for it.

On top of the "not-respecting-our-privacy" thing, our parents and aunts were not shy about giving us plenty of advice, almost all of it was either outdated or just flat-out contradicted what the nurses have taught us. First, Tary was told not to eat beef, or sour food, or spicy food, or drink cold liquids. Btw, I'd starve to death if I had that kind of eating restriction put on me.

Then we were told to wash the baby at least 3 to 4 times a day. Of course the instructional video we watched said that every other day was sufficient. Next we were told to wash Daniel's umbilical cord frequently with alcohol but that also conflicted with current recommendations. On a side note, we followed the video's recommendation of only air-drying the umbilical cord stump and it fell off on its own on the 5th day. Then we were told to place him on his belly to sleep. Then a relative thought Daniel was cold so she placed several blankets over him, some covering his face. Tary promptly reached over and removed the blankets. Wow, how did we ever manage to reach adulthood? Lastly, we were chided for not having Daniel circumcised which we felt was unnecessary.

Fast forward a few days and Tary and I had just come home from the hospital and were completely exhausted. My parents, being that they live only a few minutes away, decided to come over unannounced. What would normally be helpful ended up stressing us out even more. The endless supply of advice continued. My mom freaked out when Tary was trying to wash the dishes. She didn't like the fact that Tary was touching cold water. She also freaked out when she saw Tary traversing the staircase. I asked my mom what new mothers did back in Vietnam. She replied that they were supposed to lie down for a month. I told her that Tary's already gotten a clean bill of health from the doctors and those mothers in Vietnam probably weren't allowed to touch water because of the lack of clean water there.

A week had passed and I returned back to work. While at work one day, I got a text from Tary saying that my parents had come over unannounced again for the third time that week. We were getting very stressed out by the situation so I had to say something. I asked Tary to pass her phone over to my mom so that I could speak with her. I tried explaining that we did not like it when they just randomly stopped by because it was really hard for us to take care of Daniel and get our things done. I asked her to call us first before stopping by. She got really upset and left before I got a chance to make it home from work. Man...

The next few weeks were awkward. Tary and I normally would have lunch at my parents' house after church each week. When the church service was over, we drove over to their house but no one was home. I called my brother to see if he was coming. He told me that mom made plans for that day. Too bad she didn't tell me that. The following Sunday, my mom made us lunch but she seemed distant. This past Sunday was similar. I couldn't deal with my mom being upset any longer so I sat down and talked to her. She instantly let out her emotions and was hurt that I would make my own family have to call ahead before visiting. I tried explaining that it wasn't just my parents that I don't want to come over unannounced. I told both sides of the family that. I then explained that we love having them be a part of Daniel's and our lives but they also had to understand that Tary and I are Americans and that Daniel was one too. The old Asian way of doing things are not always what are best for us. I also went on to say that we were tired of the constant advice because most of it was just wrong. I told her that many babies died when left on their stomachs. I hope my point was received but we're still praying that my parents would understand our feelings.

One of my best friends wrote on his blog about how happy he was for us and for Daniel. He also wrote about wanting Daniel to inherit my will to succeed in everything and Tary's kindness and gentleness. What's kind of funny though was that he also wanted Tary to help raise Daniel to not have my stubbornness. I admit that I can be pretty stubborn at times but I think a more fitting adjective is "determined".

I am determined to raise Daniel the best way I know how. I am determined to use common sense and let God be our moral compass. I am determined to not compromise on our beliefs to please the world or even family members if it conflicts with the Truth. I am determined to not repeat the same mistakes that many Asian parents make when raising their children.

One really annoying thing that Asian parents do is make fun of their kids in public. When Asian parents get together, they usually trade stories of embarrassing things about their kids, often with them nearby. These stories would draw laughter from the other adults but at the expense of their kid's self-esteem.

Another thing that Asian parents do is to over-exaggerate the accomplishments of other kids. They would say things like "Why aren't you like so-and-so's kid? He is in school for two majors and has a full-time job!" Of course, many of these accomplishments were just physically impossible to achieve. I suppose that Asian parents do this because they hope that you would aspire to match these accomplishments. Instead, I think it makes many Asian kids feel inadequate and never good enough in their parents' eyes.

So I am determined to not put down my child in front of others but to uplift him. I am determined to not use my son as a punch line. I am determined to not compare my son to some fictional and unattainable standard. I love our parents. I love them for their countless sacrifices so that we may have a better future in America. I may not always agree with their advice or methods, but I understand that they only want the best for us. So I am determined to be more patient and understanding, to discern what is good from our cultures and traditions, and to apply these lessons learned to be the best father that I can be. I promise you that, Daniel.

Daniel Heng Trinh - Part 4

Tuesday morning had arrived. I barely remembered the details but I recall that at one point throughout the night, the contractions had slowed down a bit due to the epidural. Pitocin was introduced to help pick things back up again. By 12:14 AM, Kate checked Tary's cervix. 10 cm. Woo hoo, fully dilated! But wait...there appeared to be a little bit of a "cervical lip" that needed to be cleared. So we continued to wait for Baby to continue to labor down (i.e., work his way down lower into the birth canal).

At 2:00 AM, the cervical lip had disappeared and it was finally time to start pushing. Kate stood at the foot of the bed while Connie (our new nurse) and I stood on opposites sides of the bed alongside Tary's legs. As the contractions came in, Tary was instructed to push while Connie and I help hold her legs. The top of our baby's head was already visible. Each push seemed to nudge him that much closer to us.

Connie tried to keep Tary focused but she had a very blunt personality which Tary and I didn't particularly care for at the moment. I guess the best way to describe her was that she was a bit rough around the edges, both physically and verbally. She meant well but sometimes she would do or say things that were very distracting. For example, she would count out loud during the pushing and try to urge Tary on. But then Connie would then mutter some nonsense that if Tary doesn't push hard enough, the baby will get stuck and end up looking like Connie. How can you stay focused listening to that? Tary indeed was a great pusher so I thought it was important to inform her that she was making a lot of progress.

The baby's head was really starting to show. I was amazed at how calm Kate remained during this point of the labor. I watched her casually slip on an extra hospital gown and place down some extra padding on the bed. As rough as Connie was during the birth, Kate's gentleness stood in stark contrast. Kate's words and movements were soft and purposeful. As Baby's head came out, Kate gently supported it and rotated it slightly to ease his passage. A quick push later, a slight adjustment for the shoulders, and Daniel was finally born!

Daniel cried immediately as Kate lifted him onto Tary's chest. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I heard the nurse announce the time as 2:40 AM. The umbilical cord was quickly clamped and Kate handed me a pair of scissors. With overflowing pride I snipped through the cord. Several other nurses had joined us in the room and they whisked Daniel over to a warming table to check his vitals.

Tary was exhausted and I didn't want to leave her side. She urged me to go over and see our son so I walked over to him. His eyes were open and he looked up at me. A part of me would like to think that he somehow recognized my voice through the womb. His chest was a healthy rose color though his extremities were still a little pale. One of the nurses gave him a shot and each cry he let out caused more blood to flow to the rest of his body. I was amazed at how small he was yet so full of life.

I went back to check on Tary and she had already delivered the placenta at 2:52 AM. Again, my curiosity took over so I asked if I could see it. Kate lifted a container with this liver-sized organ in it. I can't believe that just 15 minutes ago, our son was inside of this. Kate satisfied my inner geek by lifting it up, flipping it inside-out, and continuing to give a brief Science class on it.

After cleaning off Daniel a little bit, they put him on a scale and took some measurements. He weighed in at 6 lbs, 10.5 ounces and was 19.75 inches long. My inner ego was a little disappointed that he wasn't born a little bigger but I realized that more importantly, our son had arrived and was healthy despite being born two weeks early. I got to take my first photo of him. I stood there watching over him. He was beautiful, perfect, just as God had intended.

Psalms 127:3 reads,

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."

Daniel Heng Trinh. He truly is a gift from God and Tary and I are so thankful for him.

And to Daniel...one day you'll be old enough to read and understand this. Daniel, I am your father. May the 4th be with you. :)

Daniel Heng Trinh - Part 3

The following day (Monday, the 3rd), I got up early again to get back to my wife. On the way to the hospital, I stopped by McDonald's to pick up breakfast for the two of us. When I got there, Tary's roommate was still asleep, though not for long. She eventually got discharged a few hours later.

As for Tary, not much had changed from the night before. There were more countless trips to the bathroom and no stones could be found anywhere...

I brought my laptop in hopes that I could somehow keep my mind distracted. I connected my laptop to the Ethernet port on the wall but I could not get online. I tried borrowing another Ethernet cable from one of the nurses. No luck. I tried fiddling with various settings but I knew deep down, there was something wrong with the Internet connection in the room and I was just wasting my time. I tried working offline but it was fruitless. Who was I kidding? How can I get any work done when my wife is suffering a few feet from me?

So I took up my post again alongside Tary and helped her shuttle back and forth to the bathroom. Later in the morning, things got worse. Tary was now complaining about intense pain around both of her kidneys. After a visit from the doctor, he suspected that there may have been stones in each kidney! How can he possibly know that without running any tests?! At least the last time Tary was admitted for kidney stones, they had run some ultrasounds in an attempt to find the stones. This time...nothing. My frustration was starting to show.

Sometime around lunchtime, Tary noticed something different after one of her trips to the bathroom. She thought her mucus plug came out. My curiosity took over so I had to take a peek. Sure enough, it was plenty mucousy but not quite plug-gy.

Okay. Breathe. Tary and I gave each other one of those what-just-happened-and-what-will-happen-next looks. I've read that some women have lost their mucus plugs early and won't give birth until weeks later. And some women lose it right before going into labor. Besides, we still had 2 more weeks before Tary's due date...

...until about 1:50 PM. After another pit stop in the bathroom, Tary quickly shooed me away from seeing what she thought was a potentially embarrassing situation. After a few more moments, she wondered out loud if her water had broken. It definitely made sense. Her description of what happened definitely matches what we learned in our birthing class a few weeks earlier. My initial worry for Tary's kidney stones had quickly been replaced with elation of meeting our little boy sooner than we had expected.

Our minds were racing with emotions. We were happy. Despite our baby being considered at full term, we were still a little worried about him being born two weeks early. We had to get an expert's opinion. We called in the nurse who then called in the doctor. It felt like forever before he finally showed up. As soon as he went to examine Tary, a gush of amniotic fluid eliminated any doubts we had about her water being broken.

"Tary's water broke. Here we go!!!" Those were the exact words that I posted on Facebook at 3:08 PM.

We got all packed up and the nurse brought Tary back downstairs to the Labor and Delivery area. When we got there, we were introduced to a new nurse and our midwife, Kate. They hooked Tary up to the fetal monitoring machines again and our little guy was still going strong. With the baby on his way, the morphine was discontinued and some antibiotics were fed into the IV.

Tary and I were finally alone in the room and I think we were still in shock that this was happening. We never had a chance to even pack a hospital delivery bag. Tary helped me compile a list of things that I needed to get from home. Tary took a short nap while I raced home. I probably broke about a half-dozen moving violations on the way. I fed the boys (Gambit and Mavi) and quickly ran around the house grabbing the cameras, some clothes for us and baby, and few other toiletries and tossed them all into a large duffle bag.

By the time I got back to the hospital, it was about 3:30 PM and Tary's contractions had started. Wow, that was fast! One of the nurses suggested using the Jacuzzi during early labor so we took full advantage of it. As Tary sat in the tub with the water rumbling inside, her contractions were coming harder and faster. I tried my best to remind Tary to breathe. I held her hand when I could and that same helpless feeling came back again. Each contraction would send Tary's eyes to the back of her head and her face showed the extreme discomfort that she was in. I had no clue how long these contractions were lasting because I think Tary was mindful to not crush my hand. It was only after Tary reopened her eyes that I would know that the last contraction was over.

Between one of the contractions, I asked if it would be okay to go shave. In fact, I was adamant about it all day; I had to be cleanly shaven. My reasoning was that when we look back at the pictures from this day, I didn't want our little Daniel to think that his dad looked like a bum when he was born. I got the go-ahead and quickly cleaned up in the attached bathroom.

At about 7:50 PM, the midwife came in and checked Tary's cervix. Only 1 cm so far. 9 more to go.

By now, the Facebook notifications were coming in like crazy from friends and family who were dying for updates. I tried keeping up with the updates by relaying the messages to Tary. I thought it might be a nice distraction from the pain but after a while, Tary got rightfully upset with me. She needed me to get off my phone and to be there for her. (I'm really sorry, Tare. My excitement got the best of me and I got carried away.) From that point on, I had to go on radio silence...

The contractions were still coming in hard and fast. They were coming every 3 minutes or so. When given the option for the epidural, Tary wasted little time signing the required waivers. When the anesthesiologist arrived, he was like a one-man army with his own cart of paperwork, needles, and drugs. Looking back, he kind of reminded me of the scientist who tried to inject some truth serum into Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies.

It was about 8:20 PM now. The nurse helped Tary sit up off the side of the bed. I had to sit on a stool by the window while the doctor cleaned and prepared an area of Tary's back. He stuck some long instrument or needle into Tary's back but he seemed to be having difficulty. Tary's natural dislike for needles made her back tense up which was counter-productive to the doctor's work. He tried a few more times to get the needle in between Tary's vertebrae. I could see his frustration mounting. I was getting angry with him as he started using more force to get the needle in. It felt like forever. I was afraid I was going to have to jump over the bed and smack-an-anesthesiologist. Finally...success.

The relief was almost immediate. Tary's pain went from a 10 on the pain scale down to a 2 or a 3. The midwife suggested that we get some rest while we could. I heeded that advice and took a nap on the chair nearby. I don't think Tary slept all that much. Tomorrow was going to change our lives forever.

Daniel Heng Trinh - Part 2

The next day (Sunday), I tried to get up as early as I could so I could return to Tary. I had usher duty this month at church so I started my day by calling E.H. and asked him to fill in for me. Then after a quick shower, I fed the boys (i.e., the cats) and hurried back to the hospital.

When I got to Tary's room, her roommate, a relatively young girl, was sleeping on the bed closest to the door. Apparently, this girl was also pregnant and had some sort of infection.

I quietly walked across the room to get over to the other side where Tary was lying. She was still in a great deal of pain. She was still drinking tons of fluids so she had to frequently get up to use the bathroom (which was on the opposite side of the room). Not only did the pain of getting up make these trips to the bathroom incredibly hard, there were a lot of IV tubes connected to Tary's arm. While I was there, I did my best to be supportive by unplugging the IV machines, neatly wrapping the power cords and placing them on top of the IV hooks, and then rolling the machinery while escorting Tary on her trips. After each trip, I would help Tary back to bed, reconnect the power cords, and ask if she felt any better. The answer was always the same. "No."

The last time Tary had kidney stones, she was able to pass them in less than 24 hours. It was quickly about to approach the 48 hour mark. It was the toughest thing for me to just sit and watch Tary have to go through this. I tried calming myself down by searching on my iPhone about kidney stones and pregnancies. Apparently, it's fairly common. However, the more I read, the worse I felt about the whole ordeal. Some mothers shared various horror stories on forums about how it took weeks for their kidney stones to pass, well after their babies were born.

Each Sunday, Tary and I would normally go to church and then have lunch at my parents' house. Since we knew were wouldn't able to make it this week, I texted my brother and cousin to let my parents know. A few hours later, my brother and his girlfriend came to the hospital to visit. I don't know how much their presence helped Tary's psyche but I know I felt a little better having them there.

Some time later, my parents came by to visit Tary. I guess they were concerned after getting the news from my brother and cousin. Tary's parents and Tary's cousin also stopped by a while later. It was quite a surprise to see them all there but it feels good to know that they all care about Tary's health.

Continuing on the visitors theme, our friends S.I. and his fiancee J.W. came by to visit and to drop off some dinner. While the four of us were talking, I reminded my Bejeweled Blitz arch-nemesis J.W. that I had beaten her score this week. She then mentioned that she thought she had beaten it. I looked at my phone and still saw my name on top of the leaderboard...a fact which I had to point out to her again.

After our friends had left, I reloaded Bejeweled Blitz and checked the leaderboard again. Oh no...J.W. was right! She somehow managed to leapfrog me. That's impossible! It is not humanly possible to score more than 569,000 points! Maybe she's cheating. Someone check her for roids. I'm starting to think that I'll never be as good as she is. Well, maybe J.W. is really a robot (like from The Stepford Wives) but that's a topic for a future blog post.

Well, it was finally late and I had to go home again. Two consecutive nights without my wife was really hard. I had no clue how much longer we'd have to stay in the hospital waiting for those stones to pass. If only we knew what would happen next...

Daniel Heng Trinh - Part 1

It's been a long week but I finally have some free time to write down my thoughts and feelings. Oh so many things to capture. A missing wheel. Emergency room, part quatre. Kidney stones. An Independence Day reference. Tons of ice-cold juice. Humbling of a Bejeweled Blitz player. A lost phone. Over 250 Facebook notification updates. And most importantly, the birth of our son.

I am proud to introduce Daniel Heng Trinh. On May 4th, 2010 at 2:40 AM, he made his grand entrance into the world. Measuring in at 6 lbs 11 oz and 19 3/4 inches long, he is just too cute and adorable to describe in words. I absolutely love him.

The story of Daniel's birth actually started back on Saturday, May 1, 2010 at the new buybuy BABY store in Nashua, NH. Tary and I were there to get a missing wheel on a stroller that we had previously ordered. As we got out of the car, Tary complained about some low back pain similar to her previous bout with kidney stones. I thought to myself, "Oh no! Not this again!" We hurried through the store to pick up a new wheel off of one of the demo units.

We rushed back to Tary's parents' house hoping the pain would subside. She called the doctor's office but they said they would call her back. We waited a half hour before we gave up and went home. The pain continued mounting and the next half hour felt like forever. Tary decided to call her doctor's office again. The lady informed us that they were backed up with 20 other patients and that the on-call doctor recommended that we go to the hospital.

We raced to Lowell General Hospital and checked in at the Emergency Room area. They told us to head to the Labor and Delivery section. We were led to a room and an ob/gyn checked Tary's vitals, made sure that Baby was fine, and that Tary wasn't going into early labor. Since Baby was okay, we waited a few hours to be relocated to a new room in the Mother/Infant Unit.

The nurses hooked Tary up to a fetal monitoring machine which kept track of contractions and Baby's heartbeat. They started Tary on antibiotics via IV just in case it was a kidney infection or UTI. Tary was in a lot of pain so she was also given a Patient Controlled Analgesia (PCA) aka self-administered morphine through her IV. She was scared to give herself medicine to relieve her pain from the kidney stones despite being reassured that it would not harm Baby.

Tary was given tons of fluids to help flush out the kidney stones. The nurses fed her bag after bags of fluids through the IV and brought in paper cups filled with ice to go along with many tiny 4 oz containers of juice. All I could do was watch the fetal monitoring printouts and help escort Tary to the bathroom because of all of the machinery used with the IV attached to Tary.

I felt so helpless watching my wife go through all of this pain again so I stepped in and grabbed the trigger for the PCA. "Eagle-1, Fox-2", I exclaimed as I hit the button sending a dose of morphine directly into Tary's veins. The morphine provided mild relief but it was better than anything else they had. Too bad I could only relive being a fighter pilot from the movie Independence Day every 10 minutes because there was a programmed lockout to prevent overdosing on morphine.

I tried to stay as long as I could with Tary but I had to go home because they were expecting another patient to be moved into the same hospital room. It was a long night.