I Can't Wait For Next Year

Recently I jokingly tweeted, "The bad news just won't stop. It's official. March '11 sucks. I can't wait for next year. What can possibly go wrong in 2012?"

It's only 3 months into 2011 and I'm already looking forward to next year. To say we've had a trying month would be an understatement.

First there's the stolen rims/tires thing. We've finally gotten the car back but we won't feel safe parking it here again until some security motion lights have been installed on the house. Still a work in progress...

Then there's the wanting-to-get-the-hell-out-of-here-move thing. Too bad the housing market is in the tubes and foreclosures have brought down our property value so low that we're underwater. There are so many nice houses in better cities but we can't afford to eat the losses on selling this house. Also a work in progress...

Most importantly, Tary's grandfather suffered his 2nd stroke early last week. Relatives flew in to pay their last respects. After being taken off of life support and brought back home, he fought right to the end. I prayed to God for mercy on Tary's grandfather. March 24th (Thursday) at around 10:20 PM, he passed away quietly around loved ones.

We spent several hours at a local Buddhist temple the following night while monks performed various chants for his soul. Of course I do not believe in these things as a born-again Christian but it was important to me that I was there for the family.

In Buddhism, it is common for the first-born son to shave his head in mourning his father's death. Having no immediate candidates, the male cousins all agreed to have their heads shaved. Tary's grandmother also had her head shaved.

Early the next morning, we returned to the temple. The cousins were now dressed in traditional monk clothing and were monks-for-the-day. At that point, they were "blessed" and had to avoid all contact with females. I have a lot of respect for what the cousins did to try to honor their grandfather’s memory.

The family gathered together a few times to have our pictures taken. There was a videographer recording the events as well. I also was asked to record what I could on our camcorder. It was hard for me to film people as they were grieving. I tried to focus on capturing what I thought Daniel would want to see when he got older; that his great-grandfather was loved by many and was deeply missed.

After a short drive across town to the cemetery, the monks (and monks-for-the-day) walked around the burial site several times while chanting and pushing the casket. I walked alongside Tary while holding Daniel in my arms. It was cold. After the monks stopped, I brought Daniel back to the car to stay warm. I had to watch the rest of the funeral from there. I wish I could have been there for Tary.

After the funeral we had a catered lunch at a nearby restaurant. I felt bad for Tary because she had to sit with her family while the monks performed some more chants while the rest of the guests ate.

It was a long day for everyone..

Lowell Sucks

This was what we woke up to on Tuesday morning...

Who the HELL does this?! I can't believe people were ballsy enough to jack up my wife's car, steal the tires/rims, and leave the car suspended on a pair of cinder blocks in the dead of night while we slept. I thought this crap only happens in movies.

Last year was the break-in. Now it's the tires/rims. I hate this (expletive) city. I'm so done with this ghetto city and its ghetto problems.

The police are too lazy to patrol the streets at night and serve as a deterrent. When the officer came to file the report he couldn't even be bothered enough to get out of the cruiser. Had he done so he would have spotted the lug nuts left behind on my lawn and my neighbor's.

It sucks feeling that I let my family down; that I didn't do enough to protect my family; that I didn't take the necessary steps to prevent this from happening. It sucks not being able to make Tary feel safe again here. No matter what additional security measures we take, it sucks that we'll never stop feeling like someone is watching us. Watching us leave for work. Watching us return home. Watching us sleep at night. Watching how we react.

I'm so pissed off that I can't think straight. I don't care that it is a down market. I don't care that we'll lose money selling our house. I don't care that we can't afford another house right now. I just want to get us out of here. It's no longer a matter of IF but WHEN. Our next house may not be our forever-house but our current house is no longer safe enough to even be our now-house.

Warrior Dash

A friend recently told me about an upcoming event in late June which involves a 3-mile run through mud and obstacles called the Warrior Dash. They give you a viking helmet (cool), a t-shirt (also cool), a voucher for a turkey leg (very cool) and beer (pass) for completing the course.

You are timed and it's set up like a race only it's way less serious. You can go with friends who can help you complete the obstacles or push you into the muddy water. Some people dress up in silly costumes just for added laughs.

I started training today by running a 1.2 mile course around the neighborhood that I plotted. After passing two houses, I was reminded why I hate running so much. This hurts!

God blessed me with a tall, (relatively) lean frame, long gazelle-like legs, skinny fingers, near perfect vision that any eagle would jealous of, and great hand-eye coordination. My body is a fine-tuned, well-oiled machine...

...perfect for sitting in front of a computer and typing super fast and writing code all day.
I'm clearly not built to run far. Or fast. My lungs shouldn't be burning so much.

Good thing God also blessed me with a good amount of dedication and a fierce competitive spirit. Training is hard work but that's one thing I'm not afraid of.

Dealing with Frustrations

I've been feeling a bit "off" lately; more than your typical winter blues. I'm a go-getter and I'm used to completing whatever goals I set for myself. Lately I've been unable to complete even the simplest of tasks and I'm left with a bunch of unfinished projects.

Finish and submit our taxes. Fail.
Install baby gates. Fail.
Apply caulk around the bathroom and kitchen sinks. Fail.
Replace my car cabin air filter. Fail.
Android development. Fail.
Fix a squeaky nursery door. Fail.
Keep up with this blog. Fail and a half.

I've wanted to seriously get into Android development to write apps that could help generate additional revenue for our family but I haven't been able to put the required time into. By the time I fight through traffic and get home from work, all I want to do is have dinner and spend what little time left with Tary and Daniel. By the time I put Daniel to bed, I'm too physically exhausted to stay awake and too mentally tired to learn anything new. It's frustrating...

What's interesting is Tary has been feeling "off" as well. Part of our general crankiness stems from being without our wedding rings the past week for re-rhodium plating. I love feeling that band on my hand to remind me of who awaits when I get home from work. Good thing we're picking up our rings tonight.

I need to get focused. Get organized. Prioritize.

The whole Android thing can wait. We don't NEED the extra money yet. I NEED to be there for Daniel. I WILL be there for Daniel.

I'm all about convenience now. This entire Android obsession has led me to some useful apps. Bible reading has gone up thanks to YouVersion.com's Bible app. I gave up following the previous plan of reading the Bible in 8 months. I am not a reader. I can't read in long stretches. My mind wanders too much. I started a new plan that takes a year to complete and I'm about 9% into it. I might not finish within the year and I'm okay with that. The app is my virtual bookmark.

Sports games will continue to be played whether I find time to watch them or not. Competitors will continue to "Wipe Out". Singers will continue to get voted off on American Idol. It's okay. The TV shows can continue to pile on the DVR.

I already have everything that I need and many things that I don't. Winter will soon be over. So too will this funk. It's time to stop worrying about everything else and just enjoy what's in front of me now.