World Cup 2010

This past Sunday, Spain beat the Netherlands 1-0 to win the World Cup 2010. I didn't watch any of it. Throughout the month-long tournament, people have asked me if I watched any of the matches. Nope. Soccer and by extension the World Cup just doesn't interest me. It doesn't appeal to my American sensibilities. In other words, I don't care about soccer. Here are my reasons why:

1. Soccer is really boring. There is just isn't enough scoring to keep Americans interested during games. Fans want to see touchdowns, homeruns, and goals scored. Watching paint dry is more exciting than watching a 1-0 game or a scoreless tie. Let me summarize 99% of all soccer matches. A guy gets the ball. A defender gets within 10 feet of him. The guy passes backwards to a teammate. Repeat for 90 minutes +/- some random number of minutes.

2. Speaking of random time, whoever invented "stoppage time" must have been smoking some whacky-tobacky because it just makes no sense. You never know when the game will end. We like to know exactly how many seconds are left at the end of games; it creates an air of suspense. In soccer however, the game just appears to randomly end. How do we know whoever is controlling that clock is unbiased? Why do they refuse to show the time left for stoppage time?

3. For a sport that has sooooo little scoring, it makes no sense why they have a rule that discourages scoring. If an offensive player wants to cherry-pick and roam behind the defense, he should be allowed to. Of course that also means that if the defense can steal the ball, they would have an advantage when they try to score for themselves. This is the same concept as in basketball. You can try to cherry-pick there, but your defense might pay the price.

4. Soccer games can end in ties. Ties are stupid. They are un-American! Someone needs to win and someone needs to lose. Herm Edwards said it best, "You play to win the game!" I'm sure he wasn't quoted as saying, "You play to not lose the game!"

5. We like athletes who are big, strong, and tough. We expect them to play through pain and be manly men. But in soccer, there is way too much flopping going on. The players run around and randomly fall to the ground clutching their knee or ankle like a bunch of pansies. They'll often collapse without anyone even touching them. Maybe they'd score more goals if they kicked the ball instead of pretending to be hurt all of the time!

6. And Americans love superstars. We love watching them run faster, jump higher, and hit harder than everyone else. We love watching them do superhuman things. In football, even the casual fan could tell that players like Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, and Reggie Wayne are great. But in soccer, it's hard to tell who's good and who's great. Even if a player was great and performed an amazing move to get past his defender, there would be at least a half-dozen other players who would knock the ball away before he could score. It's hard to look like superstars when both teams struggle to even score.

7. Vevuzelas.

8. Soccer has the craziest fans. These fans probably become hooligans because they are so bored from the [lack of] action that they have nothing better to do in the stands than to yell at each other, start fights, and incite riots. When something is great, it would be great on its own merits. If soccer were so great, it wouldn't need people tirelessly defending/promoting it.

9. The officiating in soccer is horrible. There is way too much subjectivity and bias in the sport. And since the games are so low-scoring, a ref with an agenda could easily make a bogus call which could rob/cost a team a goal and directly affect the outcome.

10. My last and final reason that soccer doesn't interest me is there are better things to watch in America! Why would I watch a soccer match when I could be watching football, basketball, or Rambo 3?